Experience Oneness by means of blessings to flower your heart
After level 2 in October 2008 the process continued for about 3 weeks very intensively. One day after arriving on Amsterdam Schiphol Airport I had to start working on a new interim project for 3 weeks. I was very sensitive to all things around me and could hardly cope with the situations at work. I noticed the fears in persons around me and the lack of directions in their lives.
Remote support from India?
On several occasions on Wednessdays in the afternoon I suddenly - from one split second to the next - had sincere headaches. Which gave a heavy and strange feeling in the head. Up to 3 to 4 days after these remote blessings I could function normal again. All kind of emotions like anger and jeaslousy came spontaneously to the surface. My life partner Linda did not belief in these remote blessings from India. Everything is India nowadays she told me. But I knew deep from within it was the case. And moved into gratitude.
From time to time I moved into embrasing myself as a baby and felt an tremendous amount of love for myself. When sitting like a non moving baby on the couch again Linda had strong remarks on my behavour. I started to get problems with her critics on everything my heart wanted to enjoy. I realized she was critizing me for years and got to sensitive for it. My dream was to give Oneness Blessings around the world together with her - but she did not understand that becoming a baby is part of this process. Do normal she told me many times and immitating me with her body language. It was extreme painfull for me.
Was my alcoholic father hetro, bisexual or gay?
From deep inside I always knew my father was at least bi-sexual or gay. I could not recall how I did know this. When he was drinking coffee he hold the cup in his hands in a strange way. While beeing a teenager I was teasing him with it. Since ages I was walking around with a charge. I was afraid to change dypers when my son Ramon was still a baby in 2001. I discussed this issue with Linda my life partner in an open way back into 2002 - years before the Oneness process started. At that time I was mentally checking scenarios of what could have happened with me. Why was I afraid to look at Ramon when he was naked? Incest with my father? Incest with un uncle who walked naked in his house? Wrong baby sitter one day? I could not get to this point. It was blocked. They were mere suggestions. Up to this moment the charge has been lowered by the Level 1 and Level 2 processes. However when we play together in bath - still this feeling of being shamed to look at Ramon pops up from time to time. If I feel he is looking at my wily I feel embarrassed.
One day during the month december 2008 - while meditating - I was thinking about the hand of my father. I looked at the right wall next to me. For over 15 years I do have a large framed photo of another great teacher Geshela. A Tibetan lama from which the world has received extensive teachings on Vajrayana. Suddenly I noticed he holds a mudra at his heart, which is the same as my father drunk his coffee. I put my right hand in exactly the same position in front of my heart just like Geshela. I start crying very intensively for about 2 hours. And as before the body was shaking from the Manipura chakra. Did my father taught me something in the end spiritually to indicate this Tibetan mudra is very important? Another session of crying manifested. Was he mere an illusion and his manifestation as a drunken father not real?
The pain of my spiritiual searching - completely on my own- only with remote teachings was felt again. I remembered my mother told me one day before my father died in hospital his best friend stepped out of the elevator - the bed of my father was about 30 meters from the elevator and the visiblity to the elevator was blocked by many doors and rooms - my father very loudly screamed the name of his best friend. Now while writing I realize I do not have a best friend in my life and another session of crying takes place.
Shantideva (AD 687-763) was a famous Indian Buddhist master who composed the Buddhist classic Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life. He holds the same mudra. A Bodhisattva is a friend of the world who, motivated by compassion, spontaneously seeks enlightenment.
Because of my heavy charge emotions I was escaping the pain by eating, sex and gambling. I gained over 20 kilos of weight since 2005. A prooven method or escape not to feel my pain deep inside. My life partner Linda is suffering from Diabetics for over 20 years. These two issues combined convinced me to start with the Rosedale Diet. Back in October 2008 I learned all the Dasas of the Oneness University where on this diet and about 90% of Indian children struggling with Diabetics from the nearby villages were cured within 3 months. A cured Linda would be very important to me and to many diabetic patients across the world. The goverments and pharmaceutic industries do not want this information to become public.
In december 2008, January 2009 and February 2009 I was without work. What was happening? Bad economic situation globally. Yes but not the main reason. At the Oneness University we learn in case of a financial crisis you have an issue with the relationship of your father and with authority. True - but I have cried so much already about this in India and at home. When does it stop? Is it never finished? In my latest interim role I had met an very extreme dominant French person as my European boss. He was afraid to move to his painfull traumas when he was a small kid. I could have stayed at this company for years earning good money, but not with this boss above me, my ego decided. So this finanial crisis was created all by myself? I tried to practise Buddist techiques how to cope with exteme anger and also the Oneness University techniques to see anger as collective issue and not identifying with it. I could simply not deal with this person. So I must have charge deeply stored inside of me. The French boss and myself had the same issue I realized later on. The pain in my life due to this problem at work was the main reason I signed up for the 2nd Level 2 process in October 2008.
What is my passion?
The reply of a personal question personally asked to Anandagiri back in 2007 at the Dutch Oneness Conference in Egmond aan Zee crossed my mind many times. He told me only to do work in which you find passion!! I could not find my passion. I tried to sell workshops to change business cultures into an oneness culture and coaching managers to grow personally for years without success. I find out my desire was not authentic. I was fired a few times in my career and wanted to be loved inside companies. So this was not my passion. I had met in the past founders of companies being loaded with money, who where not happy. They had such a strong drive to make money and to proof towards their father's they could be independent. In most cases these persons were extreme dominant and not giving space to employees to follow their heart. Critizing and controlling them to a high extent. I could clearly see that good passion should be beneficial for all parties. I noticed that in all cases on this planet their is always a charge, which is driving the individual to reach their goals. So you need your passion to break through your greatest fears? And when it is done... what is next?
I looked at all my spiritual activities - which I had done in the past - and noticed they where all oriented towards helping others. Beautiful is it not? I started to look deeper and deeper into it and came to the conclusion an identification was inside all of this. And in addition I used to do everything on my own. Developing workshops, manuals, design web sites, re-design web sites, translate web sites, optimize web sites for search engines, writing newsletters , maintaining databases and organizing workshops in 5 countries. I could not do this anymore. I wanted to be part of a larger group of people. My heart wanted to focus more on helping the Oneness University in reaching their goals and set men free. I simply could not find the energy anymore to work on my own.
Deep inside I was not passionate about teaching on Sacred Geometry for about 5 years. In 2009 I knew it was not the perfect approach to help 6 billion of people on the planet, but only for a happy few. However Buddhist study on emotions, the emotional balance workshop from my Tree of Life program and giving Oneness Blessings where more trilling. I started to realize back in Egypt spiritual students moved for 12 years through the female schools focusing on emotions in the heart and then sequentially for 12 years into the male school of Sacred Geometry of the 3rd eye and the 25th year they where brought to the Kings Room in the Great Pyramid. The Oneness University female approach could addresses much more suffering individuals with their approach and I could work together within an organization. I started to drop all other training activities and my ego made a big step in surrendering. A big relief and no other road to take!!
Visiting for the first time the Oneness Blessing Givers provincial 2 monthly meeting
After surrending I visited for the first time the provincial meeting of Oneness Blessing givers. The objective is to grow the Oneness University in the Netherlands and especially in the provence. The meeting was great and I met people with the same passion. I was sharing experiences of the Rosedale Diet and people got excited. The Dasa Latha responsible for the Netherlands was on the television screen in a Video Conference with us. Everyone introduced him or her self and she asked every single person how we were doing. I told Latha I was in the middle of a big financial crisis. Later on you could ask questions. I asked support from India to gain more vegetarian Rosedale recipes. Latha told me they had Rosedale Diet approved ice creams. I told her I liked ice creams very much. She told me to send me the recipi.
About 1,5 week passed on but no message from Latha on ice creams. While meditating in the morning I realized ice creams are not allowed by dr. Ron Rosedale. I moved in the feeling as a child to love ice creams. Always eating double portions had become a habbit since ages. Suddenly I reexperience being with my grand father at his 50th Marriage Anniversity (on the 16th October 1968) at the age of 3,5 years old. Eating an ice cream ordered by my grand father. Later that year in december he died with my grand mother in a 6 weeks time frame between them. I was crying a lot and felt for the first time in my life my grand father very close in my heart. Like a new space beeing entered. However I also cried for my grand father and also for my father. That was my feeling: crying for 3 generations maybe 4 including my son Ramon. Also my grand mother joined my grand father in my heart both visually and from a feeling love point of view. Just like I had experienced with Amma and Bhagavan earlier at the first level 2 in India. These experiences of love and close connectiviness can not be explained in words. It is overwelming I can tell you.
When staying for dinner at the house of my mother I told her the ice cream story and she brought me photos I had never seen before. I was eating the ice cream at the party and this enjoyed my grand father very much she told me. When writing I even realized about 10 years ago I had even put my grand mother in a photo frame by dividing a photograph of both my grand father and grand mother in two pieces. I threw away the grand fathers part. My mother told me she did not like my grand father either, because he was always drunk just like my father. This is very visable on the photograph my mother gave to me with both my grand father and grand mother on it. And probably my father was created when my grand father was drunk she told me.
My father had 3 sisters and 3 brothers and were all much older then him. One of his brothers died at 3 months old in 1922. My father was a late commer with an age difference of 8 years with his youngest sister. He had coped with the life problems of his parents much stronger I assume. While writing I remember the study of my ancestors of my fathers family line. It goes back 11 generations to 1609 in the city of Delft in the Netherlands. In it it was written the father of my grand grand father had lost 3 children before the age of 1 year and one child before 1 week old. This was around 1850. Again I am emotional about this. I do have a photograph of my grand grand father and grand grand mother of 1901 but not from the generations before. Of course my grand father Jan is on it (right upper corner the boy of 9 years old) as well with all his 10 brothers and sisters. His 24 years older brother Arie became brother Benedictus in the Trapisten monastry order.(in the centre behind his mother) The level 2 process is oriented at cleansing the pain of 7 generations back in time. So if you can get more information about your ancestors please put some effort in it.
The next page is refering to the experiences of Oneness Weekend participated on 21st and 22nd of February 2009
In one heart of Joy and Gratitude
Oneness eWorkbook Series:
Understanding Our Emotions (free)
Understanding Our Mind
Setting your Goals
Tracing our Sorrow
Facing our Shadow
Embracing our Pain
Realizing our Purpose
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