Experience Oneness by means of Blessings to flower your heart
Enrolled in October 2008
This Level 2 process was great. Again the participation was delayed for over 1 year, because of strong fear deep inside of me. One week before jumping on the plane I was very scared and started packing my suite case days in advance. Normally I am a last minute person, when it comes to flying.
Although the meditations and energy levels peaks where much higher then before the experience of oneness was not constantly resident. Weeks of super joy, happiness and then downfalls. In that case I was very tired of the life. I was not enjoying life. I got over 8 kilos extra weight and felt disturbing energy in my belly at the level of my navel all the time. I was familiar with this disturbing energy since I was a teenager and did not know what it was. Although everything was present in my life, 3 houses, earning loads of money as an interim manager, a "wonderful" relationship and a perfect son of 7 years old, still I was not enjoying life.
I was aware of my escapes of eating, gambling, flirting and seducing, however I could not stop it. Over the years they just manifested less frequently and in other less destructive forms. However in principal the cause was not removed. The inner peace was not there all the time. In the retreat I learned the mind does not want to stop it, otherwise it dies!! It is the master in sabotage techniques. It wants to stay in charge (control) and actually runs on the emotional charge inside of us. It wants the charge to remain. As soon as all the charge is gone the mind is switched of or operates in the background as a silent witness. So the human collective mind is programmed to stay away from emotional pain for decades.
In the Patangali Raja Yoga teachings I learned Manas (the mind) and Ahamkara (the Ego) both have to be switched of and operating from Buddhi (intuition) and Citta (collective memory) is the new experience. In this retreat these sutras started to make sense by experiencing how Oneness University really ensures this takes place.
Meeting Ananda Giri
I have visited 2 conferences in Italy and Holland where Ananda Giri spoke and inspired participants. But this time I mean a different encounter. During the 1st day of the retreat Ananda Giri showed up on the innner TV screen in my head. This was the first time this happened with Ananda Giri after connecting with the Oneness University in 2004. He asked me what I was seeking. I told him the total situation on the dark side of myself. All details and nothing else. No requests. About one or two days later outside on the campus I was walking around with my iPod and wanted to listen to the Moola Mantra. A genre of Blessing Evening is residend in my iTunes library with all the songs that can be used on an oneness blessing session. I saw the artist Ananda Giri and was surprised. Ananda Giri an artist? Anyway I selected him and found out after 4 years he was chanting the mantras of the Moola Mantra I played so many times to get into a trancedental state. Normaly I choose Moola Mantra I or Moola Mantra II by selecting the song instead of the artist. Now I feel an open warm connection with Ananda Giri.
Looking at my first relationship in life
When I was 22 years old I left the house of my parents and started to life together with a beautiful KLM stewardess. However when it came to love making - after one year or so - she was completely blocked and in fear. At that time I noticed she was fearful with her father and he was controlling her to a high extend. I pushed her to see a psychologist, which she did in the end.
For 3 more years I tried everything to made her feel at ease and to got her exited. It did not work. I felt rejected all the time and started to look for relationships at work. Although rejected at home I became a master in seducing women. As long as they did not came to close to me. At a certain day intuitively I pushed the repeat button of the phone in the house and got an foreign man on the phone. One week later she stopped the relationship and I had to leave the house on very short notice. She did not explain anything. Only one thing the first time we made love she did so - not because she enjoyed it - but because that was expected from here.
In the retreat I realized that all my sexual playing or flirting and seducing behaviour towards women was routed in this experience. I even realized I was still looking for a Monique to get married. Although I am with Linda for over 8 years something deep inside stopped me in getting married. This was the reason. I was still looking for a woman with the same sexy legs. I realized I was still observing stewardesses on every flight. In case of a KLM Flight I was still looking for her.
An internal program of the mind around the pain of being rejected so many times stopped me from enjoying the life with persons surrounding me now. After realizing this the heat in the belly grew and the tears where dropping on the ground.
Looking at my strong conviction to break up my relationship
Deep inside was a conviction I would break up the relationship with Linda when Ramon would be seven years old. He is born on 14-5-2001 so he actually is 7 years old. I do love Linda a lot and could not imagine to separate from Ramon and Linda. However my escaping behaviour was not doing any good in this respect. Linda also has a strong conviction I will leave her on one day. In other words not a stable basis very deep inside.
By means of a received clear dream during the retreat - at 5:55 AM at night I woke up - I was able to zoom into a future situation in which the relationship with Linda was finished and Linda and Ramon lived with an ex friend of Linda. And Linda had a good time with him although they were both blindfolded. Ramon was clearly present in the dream, but at the same time not present in this dream. He was not enjoying the situation.
Because of the number 555 I knew this was very important. It is an auspicious number referring to Unity Consciousness or Oneness. While trying to sleep again and while later on the day meditating on this feeling of loosing our relationship in my heart, constantly staying with this dream picture in the mind, and experiencing the feeling at my belly, suddenly I entered "a new dream" while meditating. I was a young boy preparing a fried egg for myself. My father was drunk and my mother left the house for 2 days. My sister was not at home either. My mother was staying at her parents, because she could not cope with the situation. I felt my parents would break up and the ground under my feet disappeared. Moving further into this fear I started to cry as deep as I have never done in my life. The hurt was felt so deep in every cell of my body. After shaking on the ground and crying for some time also the laughing about it joined the experience.
I realized,if I would not have participated in this level 2 and the charge would have remained inside my belly this strong fear would attract the life event of actually breaking our relationship. It is like the strong fear for the breaking of the relationship of my parents - stored deep and hidden inside of me - would attract the actual event in my family life. It is like adults of which their parents splitted up, while they were small children or teenagers, in most case split up themselves later on in their life.
On top another realization manifested. I do not cook so much Linda always prepares the food wonderfully. However according to Ramon I can better prepare fried eggs then his mother. It reminded me Ramon is fully aware of his parent’s emotional blocks. And he is around, while I spend time on meditating for years and I only need to be much more aware what he is actually telling me!
Being rejected and nobody loves me
During this retreat it became very clear the Oneness University supports the participants in focussing the mind to allow the heart to stay on charge residing in all of us until the state of Nirvana or beyond sorrow is achieved. The light is shine on the darker parts of us. As long as we do not accept them, are not tired enough of them to get rid of them and are not able to tell others our greatest secrets about our dark side the Oneness State can never be achieved. This time I was completely ready to face the dark side and to get rid of it.
Sujay the Dasa who guided me for the second time has done a great job again in making clear were the mind was playing tricks and where to focus on. By trying to be unique I tried to receive attention my whole life, which kept me away from the pain earlier in life. Being rejected by women, being fired at work, being rejected out of groups of friends, being teased as a teenager all arrived in my life from the residing charge of these two earlier desribed traumatic situations.
Beyond sorrow and enjoy life
Only from this base station of Nirvana we can enjoy the level of consciousness we are in and can start putting effort in setting our relationships completely right and as a result growing very effectively our consciousness level. Oneness University has a female approach of experiencing and feeling suffering first. It makes sure the mind is put in the back ground by switching of the brains at the back of the head (past). In addition the brains on top of the head are activated (experiencing the now) and are running at a lower speed. It is like starting to experience every single frame of a Donald Duck movie very intensively. The Ahamkara or ego is not in place in this situation. It starts to come into place as soon as the speed is increased and the Donald Duck movie comes into existence. Just like the movie - by high speed rotation of 34 frames per second - our sense of existence in not real. It is an illusion, which we take for granted and as for real. So the dark side we try to cover up for decades is also an illusory activity.
One day, while I was feeling very sad, suddenly my spirit was flying on the service on the Earth through the grass in a little sphere. I was flying through beautifull purple flowers in the country side and the vision was extremely clear, detailed and real. After a while I felt on forehand the direction of the flight was towards Bhagawan. Suddenly he stood before me as a giant. From my sphere I looked upwards and realized he was very high. I flew upwards his legs towards his shoulders and noticed his beautifull clothes in great detail. I noticed symbols and I was attracted to the symbol on his belly. It was the Shri Yantra symbol in 3D and it was rotating. I flew inside and realized Bhagawan was instructing to study this Ancient Symbol and he indicated he would help. One of the last days while visiting the Oneness Temple the symbol was in the centre of the temple created in stone on the floor.
A couple of times Amma was clearly resident during the retreat. Since it was about suffering she was around all the time.
A great initiation from the Pyramide you can get today NOW!!
Doesn´t this gesture remind you of Amma and Bhagawan giving Deeksha to thousands of people in India? The picture is the upper part of the great initiation in the Pyramid or the Judgement before Osirus and is well known throughout the world. You see the Deity in the left upper corner? In a small corridor 1 + 1 + 12 individuals receive ..
... Deeksha or Oneness Blessing. These 12 individuals represent the 12 planets in our solar system and the 6 solid and 6 hollow organs in our body. The other 2 represent our planet Earth and the magnetic field of the Earth.
Thank you for reading the pages about this "personal" or better "universal" process. The teachings in this level 2 were great. However I do not feel the need to put these in writing. You would miss the experience. If you would like to give feed back please do so via the contact form. In addition you could read the pages with suggestions in the left column.
The next page is refering to the experiences of between level 2 and the Oneness Weekend participated in February 2009
In one heart of Joy and Gratitude
Oneness eWorkbook Series:
Understanding Our Emotions (free)
Understanding Our Mind
Setting your Goals
Tracing our Sorrow
Facing our Shadow
Embracing our Pain
Realizing our Purpose
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